Outside Reading
A veteran’s story by Robert Friendland
Written on 4.1.98
A veteran’s story by Robert Friendland is about a son who discusses the war in which his dad had participated. He explains that his dad did not talk about the war often. At the end of the essay, he discusses how he should have received war medals for doing a good deed.
One of the strengths that I see in this piece is syntax. He often uses active voice instead of passive voice, which is essential piece to any essays. He also uses various beginning sentences instead of using “the” or “I”, which makes his essay more professional.
One weakness that I have found in this piece is lack of diction. He rarely uses well-diction, making his essay less professional.
I saw various writing techniques that I have learned in AP English Literature class so far. One of the examples of this is syntax; Friendland uses active voice instead of passive voice. Also, imagery can be seen throughout this essay. For example, he describes a looter Philippine boy’s running as stride, rather than using the word “running” or “jumping fast”, thus creating this vivid imagery of the boy running.
Friendland seems to adopt mixed tone in this piece. At first, he seems to be apathy about father’s experience in the war. He creates this tone by describing his father’s experience in the war. He describes how his dad was working under the Signal Corp and that he ended up being a master sergeant, without offering much excitement or kindness. However, towards the end of this essay, Friendland states that when he was young, he did not think his dad of a hero when the dad did not shoot a Philippines Philippines
His variations of tones have affected my response to the content of the piece. I can see clearly that his thinking and feelings toward his dad’s experience at war have changed throughout his life. I laud him for using this tone, showing that he has matured from his boyhood thinking.
I think that this piece’s tone is not appropriate for AP essay tone because it is mixed between apathy and sympathy. It is encouraged that a writer should stick to one tone that he or she has chosen.
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답글삭제Jae, once again, I think your entry can focus more on rhetoric. Rhetoric needs to become the centerpiece of your analysis and not just a part of it. But good job with analyzing the tone of the article and explaining how the author creates this tone and how it has affected your response to the article. Also, a writer doesn’t have to stick to one tone. Tone can, and often does, change rapidly. Overall, good analysis and pass!
답글삭제Good job with this - pass! I like how you included the techniques we learned specifically in AP English, and you did a good job including examples of where the author used imagery and such. One thing that I would advice for your next essays is to try to use more sentence variety, especially for the beginning of the paragraphs.
답글삭제Pass. You could have focused more on analyzing the rhetoric used and displayed in the piece. However, you used some good techniques and analysis of both tone and voice. Sarah mentioned sentence variety, this will definitely help.
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